Sometimes, I find myself writing poems at un-earthly hours (i.e.: the graveyard shift) and sometimes I feel that I scrutinise myself a little way too much.
I suppose most of us have expectations imposed on us in some way or another. Either by external parties or expectations that we place upon ourselves. As for me, I've stopped having expectations. I just want to do the best that I can at whatever task I undertake and that's it. That way, I won't feel so disappointed and I wouldn't feel like I've let myself down.
Because its the feeling of being let down that is the worst feeling for me. I despise the way I feel weak and hopeless after the inertia of disappointment sinks in. Its the worst feeling,ever. It ranks second to the feeling that you get when a loved one passes away.
Any hoots, its been almost a year plus since I last broke down. I'm pretty damn well proud of myself. Its been months since I last cried. I honestly think that I've lost my ablity to cry. Does such a thing exist? Perhaps its because I've cried way too much for half of my life (10 years) or maybe I'm just a much more stronger person now. Wahaha. Don't mess with me, ya'll!